Yesterday was one of those afternoons when a slot of time opened in my schedule and I used it wisely. I needed to meet someone around 6:00, so I marched out to the bank (which I thought closed at 5) early. However, when I got to the bank it had already closed. So I suddenly had a little more than an hour to kill. I didn't take any of my latest reading with me because the books are heavy to carry. Guess what I did? That's right. I went straight to the bookstore. And once inside I picked up David Sedaris' latest book, When You Are Engulfed in Flames, and began reading.
I haven't read a whole book of Sedaris' yet, but I've browsed through Dress Your Family In Corduroy and Denim a few times. It may have been the mood I was in, but I tell you I started silent-laughing so hard leaning up against the bookshelf in this store that the cashier must have thought I was having a seizure. I was trying not to just burst out loud with my laugh, but it was hard not to. This guy is one funny writer and it comes out right at the beginning of this new one. I ended up buying both Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and When You Are Engulfed in Flames. Here is how I justified it: I need a soft cover (or two) for my upcoming two-week journey.
Last night I dug further into Dress Your Family in bed and again my body was shaking with the giggles as I tried not to wake my wife. If you want to laugh, read Sedaris. And there's some interesting theology in there too.
The internet is full of such a high level of junk none of us should be able to believe it. What's worse is that much of the crud floating around cyberspace then makes its way into our line of vision through e-mails. What amazes me are the people, numbering in the hundreds of thousands, that spend their days and nights fishing around for mindless matter they can then re-package and send to countless other hundreds of thousands. Often these e-mails take the form of "forwards" and promise that if you keep the chain going you will be forever blessed. Does anyone else have a problem with this?
Not my Mom apparently. This poor woman has a "friend" that dutifully ships off close to 20 e-mails a day full of everything from planetary re-alignment to jokes George Bush cracks before bed, to outlandish "love stories." Whenever I am home and get a gander at Mom's inbox I can hardly believe my eyes. Some time ago after Ma forwarded one of these mailbombs to me and I foolishly opened it causing my computer to freeze, I kindly requested that she no longer send me anything from (what can I call her to hide her identity)...Dorothy. And my mother has been so disciplined. Not one forward from her since.
Well, the same cannot be said for some of my other friends. Yesterday, however, an anamoly. I got a forward that actually made me laugh and laugh and laugh some more. It's one of these "funny because it's so true" e-mails that's a real keeper. In fact, last night at a dinner with friends we snickered and chuckled at this for a long time. Attention, men and women, prepare for 9 Words Women Use. If you've seen this, you've already been laughing (or crying). If this is new to you, I can assure you it won't be for long. Gosh, this is so true. (And thanks, for once, to the person who sent this to me. But don't go getting carried away sending any others. This is fine, thank you.)
9 Words Women Use
1.)Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut up.
2.)Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.*
3.)Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end
4.)Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you
about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.)That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can
make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.)Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
8.)Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
9.)Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
* My personal favorite, unless its being used on me!!
It's a dreary Monday outside and I have to deal with an unpleasant matter this evening, which makes this a rainy Monday in more ways than one. But, I did manage to crack myself up this afternoon watching Bollywood Superman and his girlfriend Spiderwoman. Do not miss this clip. It was tears-rolling-down-my-face funny!
Today I was sitting in the lounge at the Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam waiting for my flight back to Hong Kong when I got a case of the giggles. For some reason they just hit me from nowhere as I eavesdropped on a conversation between two British couples. (I didn't have to actually strain to hear them, since they were sitting a hand's length away. This made me feel better about listening.) Their conversation was nothing special, but just the way this one man described the overnight flight they had just taken from somewhere to Schipol started cracking me up and I could not stop.
First I put my hand over my mouth to hide the fact I was wearing a bright smile. Then when that didn't work and I actually started to physically convulse with laughter I decided to make my move to another section of the lounge. I am sure the man saw me and probably wondered if I was popping some wonder drug before liftoff, laughing gas perhaps. I moved around the corner and laughed some more. In fact, I laughed regularly all the way back home. I've had the giggles for almost 24 hours now.
I suppose the giggles are not a bad thing to have. It could be a lot worse and most of us would feel a lot better if we laughed more often. Here's how the dictionary defines the giggle: "to laugh in a silly, often high-pitched way, esp. with short, repeated gasps and titters, as from juvenile or ill-concealed amusement or nervous embarrassment." Yep, that was me yesterday. It was indeed a juvenile amusement. What triggers a giggle I guess we will never know, but something about that scene in that airport lounge sent me to titters, and chuckling all the way home.
People laugh at me for doing crazy things in front of the camera?! Well, I have never, ever done anything this crazy. See David Hasselhoff as never before. All you Knight Rider and Baywatch fans - prepare yourselves! This killed me.